Out of control

This paranoia isnt normal. I shouldnt be up at night worrying about every little move he makes.
But if you saw how he now is.. you'd do the same.
He doesn't look at me the same way, he doesnt consider how his actions will make me feel. I haven't been called beautiful in months, i may sound needy and pathetic.. but it just gets to me..
This girl.. shes nice. She has a boyfriend. She's always there. calling him her best friend.. him saying it back.
He used to say that to me.
"your my girlfriend and my best friend" he used to say with pride. Now look at it. Hardly a second glance. It's like he craves something, i don't know what, but something that other girls can give him and i cant.
She doesnt know anything that i do, she doesnt help him in anyway that i do.. so whats so special about her that she can replace me? What's so special about her that she can make me feel second best? Did i forget to mention.. she's his ex girlfriend.
I know he won't cheat. But that doesn't stop the burning feeling in my heart i get when he says her name. When i sign online and i see her name net to his in his online name.
That doesn't stop the part of my heart dying when i hear her name roll off his tongue.
She's not spiteful. She's not trying to hurt me. And neither is he. But somehow.. that makes me hurt even more.
The thing is..
he'll never see this. Or any of my posts. So im here alone, trying to control myself with a blog, but lets be honest..
im out of control.