last straw.

i havent wrote in awhile, i guess i thought i was strong enough to not need to. But im weaker than ever. He's changed, he's not my little man anymore. He's this arrogant, self centred man who i just dont understand. He calls me names swears at me, ignores me, puts other girls infront of me. I cant understand it. I cant understand how i can give up my life, put everything on hold, do anythign possible to make someone happy.. and i can just suddenly mean so little so someone. It feels like a part of me is missing. A part of me has just died, i feel so alone. Theres noone to talk to, noone to listen, noone to tell me its going to be alright.. but to be honest i wouldnt believe them anyway, because its not going to be alright. Im scared that if i disappeared noone would notice im gone, and sometimes i feel like seeing if that happens. I sometimes wish i could go away, go away to a place where noone knew me or my problems, i sometimes feel like standing on the edge of a cliff and pulling myself away from the edge, just so i feel slightly more strong. Im not the same person, i used to be so strong, so powerful.. so me. But im nothing now. Theres a pit in the middle of my stomach which is slowly swallowing all the happiness i used to feel like a blackhole. I wish i could go back to how it used to be and see where he first started changing, and just stop it. I just need the old him back.. i need some help. I need someone to help me through it all and its him who i need. But he's not there and he wont be there ever again. I don't mean anything to him anymore, im just a nobody to him. Theres nothing for me to live for, i have nothing that makes me happy, no reason to get up in the mornings, just.. im empty. Im just waiting for the day when it gets too much for me. Its only a matter of time.